How to keep workplace banter healthy: building belonging without crossing boundaries

Author: Peter Bray

Banter keeps many teams going. It lifts the mood, breaks the tension and helps people get through long days, difficult jobs and high-pressure situations. In many male-dominated and higher-risk workplaces, it is part of the rhythm of the day. 

Sometimes a comment gets a laugh. 

Sometimes it is simply how people show they know each other.

But sometimes it can isolate or target an individual.

That is why banter is worth talking about properly. It is too easy to reduce a response to: “it’s only a joke” when actually it might be: “it’s bullying”. The reality is usually more complicated. Banter can build trust and belonging, but it can also leave someone feeling singled out, especially when repeated or aimed at the same person. The challenge is not to remove humour from work, but to notice when something that once brought people together starts doing the opposite.

To help shape this piece, I spoke with people across the Mates in Mind community, including those working in and alongside higher-risk sectors. Their reflections highlighted both the value and complexity of banter. I am grateful to everyone who shared their time, honesty and insight.

Why banter exists in the first place

Banter often comes from a positive place. Across sectors such as construction, transport and logistics, manufacturing, engineering, agriculture, and energy, humour helps teams build relationships and cope with pressure, boredom, fatigue, and shared adversity.

In these environments, people often work side-by-side rather than face-to-face. Relationships are built through shared tasks and successes, as well as through pressure and frustration. Banter can relieve tension, create shared identity and say, without saying it directly, “you are part of this group”.

That is why people can react strongly when the subject is raised. “Don’t ban banter”, or “that’s just how we are”, can sound defensive, but people are not always defending cruelty. They may be defending connection, familiarity and a way of coping.

Banter as connection and controlled vulnerability

There is another side to banter that is not always discussed. Banter can be a language of closeness. Not romantic intimacy, but relational intimacy: the kind that says, “I know you”, “I notice you” and “you are included”. In some teams, a nickname or repeated joke can signal familiarity and belonging.

This is particularly relevant in male-dominated environments, where direct emotional disclosure can feel uncomfortable. If the culture values strength and coping, saying “I am struggling” may feel too exposed. So, some people come at vulnerability sideways.

A person may not say, “I feel overwhelmed.” They might say, “If this week gets any worse, I’m off to live in a shed.” Everyone laughs, but there may still be information inside the joke. If nobody responds, the person can retreat into “I was only joking”. If someone responds with care, the door opens a little.

That does not mean every joke is a hidden cry for help, or that managers need to analyse every bit of humour. But banter should not be dismissed as childish. In some teams, it is one-way people test trust: can I show a little of myself, be teased, and still be accepted?

Why this matters for mental health and speaking up

In workplace mental health, we often encourage people, particularly men, to open up and talk. That message matters but talking usually requires trust. People are far more likely to share something difficult with someone they know, someone they believe will not judge them, and someone who has already shown they can be trusted with smaller things. Please read my blog on Supporting Honest Conversations to find out more. 

Awareness alone does not always create that. Posters, webinars and training all have value, but the decision to speak often happens inside a relationship: because someone has noticed a change, asks twice, or has become safe enough to tell. For more information, you can download and watch free mental health resources. 

Perhaps the question is not only, “How do we encourage people to speak?” Perhaps it is also, “How do we create teams where people feel connected enough to speak when they need to?” Healthy banter can sometimes be part of that everyday social glue, helping people move from being colleagues to being people who look out for each other. 

This wider shift is reflected in the Construction Leadership Council’s Joint Code of Practice on preventing and managing psychosocial risk in construction, developed with input from across the sector, including Mates in Mind. The Code reinforces that mental health at work is not only about individual resilience or crisis response. It is shaped by how work is planned, led and experienced day to day, including leadership behaviours, worker voice, respectful behaviour, connection and trust. Discover how we can help you address the hazards identified in the JCOP. 

As one contributor put it, “Banter can significantly affect the culture of a project and the psychological safety of the team if left unchecked.” The issue often sits in smaller interactions that shape whether people feel safe, included and able to speak honestly.

When banter crosses the line

The difficulty is that banter can do more than one thing. It can build trust and break trust, include people and exclude people. There is not always one obvious moment when banter turns harmful. More often, it creeps over the line.

It becomes a problem when it is always directed at the same person, focuses on personal characteristics, continues after discomfort is shown, or is used to embarrass someone in front of others. Some behaviour also needs to be named more clearly. If a comment or joke targets someone because of who they are, including characteristics such as race, sex, disability, age, religion or belief, sexual orientation, gender identity, pregnancy or maternity, then it should not be brushed off as banter. It may need to be treated as bullying, harassment or abuse, and managers should follow their organisation’s policy rather than relying on informal judgement alone.

A useful question for managers is whether people are laughing together, or whether everyone is laughing at one person.

Power matters here. If someone is new, young, temporary, subcontracted, neurodivergent, less confident, or dependent on others for work, they may not feel able to challenge banter. That is why “they laughed too” is not always enough. People may laugh because objecting feels unsafe.

Intent matters, but impact matters too. “It was only a joke” does not undo how something lands. That does not mean all banter is bullying. It means managers need to stay alert to the point where humour stops being shared and starts becoming something someone has to endure. Respectful behaviour should be treated as part of workplace health and safety culture, not simply as a matter of personality or humour.

Why managers find it difficult to step in

Banter often sits in a grey area. It is not always clearly bullying, but it is not always harmless either. Managers may be weighing up relationships, intent, history, team dynamics and culture all at the same time. They may know humour is part of how people relate to each other, while also sensing that something is beginning to feel uncomfortable.

There can be a reluctance to rock the boat, especially in close teams where banter feels like part of who they are. If the person leading it is experienced or influential, stepping in can feel uncomfortable. Managers may worry about being seen as humourless or overreacting.

But silence is not always consent. When people do not feel safe, they are less likely to speak up. That might mean a new starter keeping quiet, someone avoiding shared spaces, or a team member switching off.

This is where psychological safety matters. It is about people feeling able to speak up, ask questions, admit mistakes and raise concerns without fear of being punished or humiliated. Banter can support that when it builds trust and connection, but damage it when people fear becoming the next target.

There is also a useful idea from transactional analysis called Karpman’s Drama Triangle. In banter situations, people can quickly get pulled into roles: the person seen as causing harm, the person feeling targeted and the person trying to rescue or defend. For managers, the point is not to label people. It is to notice the pattern early and bring the conversation back to respectful behaviour, impact and team expectations.

Different people experience banter differently

Banter does not land the same way for everyone, and that is where misunderstandings can start, even when no harm was meant. Gender can play a role. In many male-dominated environments, banter may act as shorthand for trust, affection or acceptance. But not everyone reads that code in the same way. Some people may experience the same exchange as immature, unprofessional or uncomfortable.

This is not simply about men liking banter and women disliking it. Plenty of women enjoy banter and plenty of men find it exhausting. People come to workplace humour with different expectations, histories and levels of comfort. Generational differences also matter: an experienced worker may make a comment that once felt normal, while an apprentice or new starter may be unsure whether to laugh, challenge it or stay quiet.

Neurodiversity adds another layer. Not everyone interprets sarcasm, tone or implied meaning in the same way. Read our blog, and download resources on, how to build a neuroinclusive workplace. 

Culture, language, confidence and previous experiences of bullying or exclusion can also affect how banter is received. Humour does not need to disappear, but one style will not work for everyone. Managers need to create an environment where people can join in without feeling they have to put up with being the joke.

What good intervention looks like

Good intervention does not always need to be dramatic, and the earlier a manager steps in, the easier it usually is. One contributor described it simply: “The most secure person in the room is the one willing to step in and say, ‘that’s enough’.” Sometimes intervention is simply about resetting the tone before things go too far.

A simple phrase can be enough: “Leave it there”, “that’s enough now”, “move on”, “let’s not keep going at him”, or “funny once, not every day”. Calm and clear is usually better than angry or embarrassed. 

It can also help to check in privately with the person afterwards: “Are you okay with what happened earlier?” Or, “Would you like me to say something if it happens again?” If the behaviour continues, feels discriminatory, or the person does not feel able to raise it themselves, managers should signpost appropriate reporting routes, including line management, HR, EAPs, anonymous reporting or whistleblowing channels where relevant.

Managers should look for patterns, not just one-off comments. 

• Is it always the same person being targeted? 
  
  
• Does the humour stop when someone looks uncomfortable? 
  
  
• Can people push back without consequences? 
  
  
• Are new starters, apprentices, subcontractors or quieter team members being tested more harshly than others?

Managers can also set expectations early without killing the mood. You might say, “We are not here to stop people laughing, but no one should become the running joke.” Or “Banter is fine when everyone is in it. It is not fine when someone is stuck with it.” That kind of intervention does more than stop one comment. It tells the whole team what is acceptable.

Organisations may also want to make this clear in their Dignity at Work, Bullying and Harassment, or Respect at Work policy, so that employees understand the difference between humour that builds connection and behaviour that targets, excludes or humiliates. This should explain the difference between mutual, welcome humour and behaviour that is unwanted, targeted, repeated or linked to who someone is. It should also set out how employees can raise concerns, and what managers are expected to do when concerns are raised.

Where to find support

If banter has crossed the line, support should be visible and accessible. This might include line managers, HR teams, peer supporters, Mental Health First Aiders, Employee Assistance Programmes, anonymous reporting routes or Occupational Health support. People should know where they can go if they feel uncomfortable, targeted or unsure whether something is acceptable.

Managers should also avoid waiting for someone to use formal language like “bullying” or “harassment” before taking concerns seriously. Someone may simply say, “I’m getting fed up with it”, “it’s doing my head in”, “they’re always on at me”, or “I know they’re joking, but…” Those comments are worth listening to. They may be the first sign that banter has stopped feeling like connection and started feeling like pressure.

Final thoughts

We do not need to take humour out of work. In many teams, banter is part of how people connect, cope and belong. It can be a way of showing familiarity, testing trust and opening the door to more honest conversations. But banter has power. Because it happens in relationships, it can strengthen them or damage them. Because it is wrapped in humour, harm can be easy to dismiss. Silence or a smile does not always mean everything is fine.

The aim is not to create humourless workplaces. The aim is to create teams where people can laugh without someone becoming the running joke; where people can tease without humiliating; where people can belong without having to tolerate being targeted; and where connection, trust and respect sit underneath the humour.

Because when banter is healthy, it can help people feel part of the team. When it is always the same person, it is not banter at all.

References and further reading

Construction Leadership Council. (2026). Mental Health Joint Code of Practice: Preventing and Managing Psychosocial Risk in Construction. Construction Leadership Council.

ACAS. Discrimination and bullying and bullying at work. The law - Whistleblowing at work - Acas

Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly. Gotham Books.

Dicks-Ilori, L., Morgan, M., Price-Dowd, C., Woodiwiss, A. J., Powell, N., Vassiliou, V. S. and Saeed, S. (2024). Banter within the NHS: A tool for boosting morale or a front for workplace bullying?. Future Healthcare Journal.

Edmondson, A. C. (2019) Kindle Wiley.

Equality and Human Rights Commission. Sexual harassment and harassment at work: technical guidance.

Haugh, M. and Pillet-Shore, D. (2018). Getting to Know You: Teasing as an Invitation to Intimacy in Initial Interactions. Discourse Studies, 20(2), 246 to 269.

Health and Safety Executive. Managing work-related stress.

Karpman, S. B. (1968). Fairy tales and script drama analysis. Transactional Analysis Bulletin.

McKenzie, S. K., Collings, S., Jenkin, G. and River, J. (2018). Masculinity, Social Connectedness, and Mental Health: Men’s Diverse Patterns of Practice. American Journal of Men’s Health, 12(5), 1247 to 1261.